Note: Katie Walter and I wrote this poem together. It was pretty fun!
Your eyes remind me of the iceberg that sank the titanic! Whoops! My bad!
You make me think of slaughterhouses and smelly gym socks-
Of Voldemort, the Volturi and other fictional villains - like Cruella deVil.
You're like the peeling skin after a bad sunburn
And smell like last week's sushi, but I like it.
Your smile blinds me like the idiots who tail me with their brights on.
Your hair reminds me of those commemorative Obama chia pets - awkward!
Your legs dance like Big Bird's - carrot sticks connecting your feet to your body.
You're as annoying as a chihuahua chasing a bacon-scented mailman.
You make me think of burnt sugar, Spice Girls, and everything evil-
Of dead flowers, cockroaches, and poisonous beetles.
I bet you snore, leave the toilet seat up, and chew with your mouth open.
Your hands are small and ineffectual-
Your soul is a black hole, but it sucks me in.
I hate you.
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